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Thursday, August 31, 2006
Parenting is a real tough job. We all know it but sometimes you just think it is okay. That you aren't stuffing it up too much.
Then you go to pick your Grade R boy up from school. He runs out to greet you and his teacher asks him to go back inside and steps aside so that she can have a word with you. Not one of those: "your boy is so sweet" talks either.
Apparently he and three of his friends have been fighting. A lot. So much so that she took the boys to Mr. Piet White. Ah, you know that teacher. That male teacher that all the boys are scared off. Yes, him. He made them go into his little room where they have a skeleton (not a real one obviously). This however didn't scare them enough to behave. There was more fighting and an incident where there were some peeking underneath the toilet door (in the boys' bathroom)
She told me that she spoke real sternly to them and wanted to talk to me about it, before Quintus got upset at home. He can be real sensitive when he was punished.
Well apparently not sensitive enough. I was busy speaking to him in the car about it when he ignored me and spoke to Jason. I decided to leave it there and wait till we got home from work.
I told him that he is no longer to play with those friends. That if he and his friends wants to behave like that, I will not tolerate it. That never again do I want to hear about that kind of behaviour. I took away the Playstation. For as long as it takes for him to start behaving as I expect him to. I got him to buy a chocolate for his teacher for when he apologizes tomorrow.
When I told him that I don't want him to be friends with those two boys anymore, he started crying. Real sad tears. He told me that they are his only friends and if he can no longer play with them, he only has Michael (that friend of his from preschool, who is now in a different primary school). I told him to make other friends and he told me that he doesn't know how. That is true.
How do I get him to behave. Are these little boys really so bad, or just being "boy" naughty. Oh this parenting stuff is hard. For now though, I told him not to play with those boys until they behave. I'll keep in contact with his teacher to confirm that he is behaving. I will ask her about the behaviour of those boys. I'm sure she spoke to their parents too and hopefully they will change their behaviour as well.
I can't believe that he is behaving this way. It saddens me. It's probably not that bad and something many boys do. I just don't want HIM to.
Posted at 08:51 pm by MelfromSA
 | | | Elizabeth
September 1, 2006 07:28 PM PDT
As a teacher, I cringe at reading this post. How do I deal with this in my own classroom? I think that you have done a good job of dealing with it. From my perspective, I would try to find some way of introducing ather activities to the young men. Perhaps have them spend supervised time together and give them an activity to do. I'd wonder why they were fighting - what started it (if it's just playfighting that got out of hand or something else...) I'd also have them all carry out some kind of a constructive activity that they do not enjoy, as a restitution, to show them that they need to work together to achieve goals. Anyhow, those are my teacher thoughts, in case you were interested, not trying to step on your toes, they're just my ideas.
I hope that Quintus cheers up and finds new buddies. | |
| | | Lilly
September 1, 2006 07:13 PM PDT
I can't agree with Valkirie. Will you move a kid every year to new class because not every kid in this present class is perfect one? Class is kind of mini-community I believe, and kid is there to learn how to behave between many different people. These nice and these not so good. These who like him, and these who don't.
It is just my opinion.
Of course, if it is huge conflict or so, there is obviously good solution to move a kid somewhere else. But hey, here nothing really that BIG happened... it may be still solved, and surely the kid being not certain, self-confident one, will feel better trying to solve a case here, instead of being moved like a furniture...
If he will want to fight, he will fight everywhere. It is a real task: to teach him to behave wherever he is.
It is just my view... | |
| | | mrs. diamond
September 1, 2006 05:21 PM PDT
It's probably not entirely his fault. he may be reacting to the other boys. and yes, much of that is just boys. sigh.
are they "mad at each other fighting" or "play fighting"? Both are quite normal, but the play fighting is TOTALLY normal. Though not acceptable for school. I teach my son that he is only allowed to play fight with his daddy. Not with kids, because kids usually lack the wisdom to know when enough is enough.......and then it leads to real fighting.
Girls have their issues too. I've had far more issues with my girls and friends ignoring, snubbing, gossping, blah blah blah....... than I have had with my son.
I think it's really great that you are all cracking down on it now while they're really young. | |
| | | Valkyrie
September 1, 2006 02:54 PM PDT
Primary school is very hard, people always forget how hard in comparison to High school. My suggestion would be to put him in another class from next year. That way it's easier for him to make new friends - without it being obvious that he 'can't' be friends with the other two. It might be hard to finish out the year, but maybe the teacher can shuffle the whole classroom's desks around - that always worked when I was a student teacher and wanted to separate certain kids from one another, and because everyone was moving around it wasn't obvious. | |
| | | Addie
September 1, 2006 10:53 AM PDT
I have a bad year behind me as far as my son is concerned - in grade 0. I always get complains about his "behaviour" and how its unacceptable; I even called my mom once, telling her that I think I have a problem child on my hands ... my mom's words to me:- He is a boy and a healthy one. It is normal for boys to have more energy then girls. Be happy that he has that energy to be playing "rough" cos if he was sickly you would've also been complaining!!! So today I treat each case on its merit, punish when its necessary and handle cases accordingly. Good Luck! | |
| | | Lilly
September 1, 2006 09:43 AM PDT
I just wrote here 100 or more sentences, and finally moved it to an e-mail... It turned out to be the confession about my childhood too:)
But my general idea was that separating Quinty from these boys now, to stop the behavior, is for sure ok. But to tell him 'find another friends' maybe not? All depends of the fact who these boys are... are they bad boys, from bad families who don't care? Or maybe just they had such 'crazy time' and are exactly as guilty as Quinty?
I guess maybe to punish them together, to ask them to do something together, like - I don't know - extra homework, or to decorate a class or so - would be good? To teach them this way they may do nice things together... things everybody is happy with... Especially when they are in one class and can't really not see each other anymore.
Of course it makes sense if it was just a common guilt of all of them... and if they are just normal, nice boys having bad days - like Quinty.
Friendship is a value... and this value may be emphasized maybe in such situation also...
I just guess... | |
| | | Broom Girl
September 1, 2006 07:20 AM PDT
Tristan acted like this towards the end of last term, thankfully he is back to normal now. | |
| | | Jen
September 1, 2006 07:17 AM PDT
Ive been in these talks before. I suppose boys will be boys. You handled it well Mel
Maybe you could talk to the teacher about his problem making friends and see if she can help. Billy has a special learning teacher that has worked lots to create a circle of friends for him. Billy also has a behaviour chart that gets stamped (by the teacher) throughout the day if hes good then he gets a adward from me at the end of the week. I think some boys tend to follow others and get themselves into trouble that way unfortunity.
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| | | Hannah
September 1, 2006 12:58 AM PDT
It is something many good boys do. I saw it a lot as a teacher, but you are doing the right thing to try and stop it. Good luck, Mel. *hugs*
I got the book today! Thanks!!!
Let me know when the boys' stuff arrives. :-) | |
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