I came home from a kids birthday party and told Tommie that I wanted out.  That I've had enough.  I can't go on like this.  I can't let my kids go around thinking THIS, the life I'm living now, is right.  He cried and begged me for just ONE more chance.  Promised me that he would not mess up this chance.  That we will work on the marriage.  I understand his need to go out and asked him that if he wants to go out, it has to be with me.  That we can get someone to take the kids for a night once every two weeks, and then we can go out together.  Am I making the right decision?  I really don't know.  There are no guarantees in life.

I asked Tommie yesterday if he could come fetch Quintus when he is finished at work.  He finishes before me on a Friday and Quintus seemed bored.  When I got home, they weren't here.  I phoned him and he was at Johan's - in his bar!!  (he says it's not a bar, as it is behind Johan's office and there is grass where Quintus played)  When he got home, I could smell that he had been drinking.  I was livid.  I told him that I would leave him immediately, if I had anywhere to go.

I bathed the kids and he told me that he is going out.  He went drinking with his friends again.  Didn't even try to work things out between us....just went drinking.

Sarah is getting married!!!!  I'm so very happy for her!  It is wonderful that she found happiness again.  This could have been me.  We left our husbands at the same time last year.  I went back to Tommie, and she didn't.  I often wonder if I made the right decision.  He hurts me so much.  Again and again and he doesn't even know it.  He never even asked me back.  Never worried about where the boys and I will stay.  Did I make the right decision?  Are things better now?  Don't I deserve more?

Just as things start going better.  Tommie went out drinking last night.  I'm in so much pain - the blood is pouring out of my ear, but he goes out drinking.  What I hate the most is when he asks me if he can go. I'm NOT his mother!!  I'm not his conscience.  HE shouldn't want to go.  He should want to be home to help me!

I had my ear operation the day before last.  My eardrum and the bones in my ear had calsified.  Dr Nel het to cut away a big part of my eardrum.  Also some of the bone and rebuilt it.  He had to cut at the back of my ear.  From the top to the bottom of my ear.  I thought that it would be a "normal" operation, where he works through the ear canal.  It was extremely sore.

Tommie was so nice.  He was with me almost all the time.  Poor Jason got such a fright when he saw me the first time.  My head was covered with bandages and some blood had worked it's way through to the top layer of the bandage.  Can't blame the poor little thing.

It is still very sore and swollen.  Blood keeps on running out of my ear.  I'm wearing a beanie though (thankfully it is winter!)  I got discharged yesterday, and started working the same day.  Tax time.  My mom asked if I could go help my dad out, and just stayed almost all day.  Thank heavens for pain medication.