I think it is very much a part of a mother's daily life to worry about her kids.  Sometimes we worry more than other times though.  Quintus is such a very sensitive sweet boy.  For the past week, he has been complaining about not enjoying school.  Something he doesn't normally do.  When I tried to find out what the problem was earlier in the week, he said it was because he didn't have army clothes to wear like the other boys.  So my mom looked through my dad's old clothes and found his army clothes that we sent to school.  He seemed happy with that.

Then today, again he looked so unhappy when I picked him up.  He let me carry him, with his legs wrapped around my middle.  Arms tight around my neck.  I asked what was wrong, and he said that Michael (his best friend) didn't want to play with him.  That no-one wanted to play with him.  HOW do we protect our children from hurt?  Why do they have to get hurt?
I know that it is part of growing-up, but when they have such a sensitive soul, I wish I could wrap him up in cotton wool.

He fell asleep all by himself, while I came to the office to see a client. He hardly ever takes a daytime nap and definitely not on his own like that.  I will have to give lots of TLC this weekend

Just as I thought I had it all down to a tee. I was very proud of my own self last night, getting both boys to bed in their OWN beds. Quintus in his own room and Jason in a bed in our room. Well, that only lasted till 12 pm and BOTH woke up, wanting back in our beds. Of course I put them back in our beds. I suppose I'm just overly anxious to get them in their own beds now. I've only been doing this for two nights, so I'm going to relax about it, and put them to bed in their own beds again tonight.

I'm so very tired this morning though! And with being in the office by myself, I really can't handle feeling like this. Let's hope the day passes without any upsets

 

Where do I start?  I've always wanted to have a diary, but never got around to keeping one.  Thanks to some of my friends updating their's regularly, I'm more motivated to keep one now.

I've had a pretty busy week so far.  I feel like I'm being pulled in so many directions and not able to give 100 % in any place.  I can't wait until it is calmer at work again, and I can be more the devoted mom that I prefer to be.  I can't have the boys at work in the afternoon (even though my mom takes care of them) and still put in a full days work.  That's what it feels like anyway.

Things are thankfully still better between me and Tommie. He hasn't gone out drinking once, he has been trying so hard to give me more attention, help me out with the boys and change his attitude towards discipline.

I've decided that the boys need set bedtime routines.  Also that Quintus is old enough to sleep in his own bed now.  We go to his room at 8 pm, while he falls asleep I rock Jason.  It takes Jason a long time to fall asleep, but that is mostly because he is used to going to sleep long after 9 pm. Hopefully now he will sleep less during the day, as he'll get more sleep at night.

We are contemplating immigrating.  WHAT a huge decision to make. I've decided though to just put it on hold, till I have finished off my most urgent work.  This way I'll have time to actually do some research and send out my CV.

I came home from a kids birthday party and told Tommie that I wanted out.  That I've had enough.  I can't go on like this.  I can't let my kids go around thinking THIS, the life I'm living now, is right.  He cried and begged me for just ONE more chance.  Promised me that he would not mess up this chance.  That we will work on the marriage.  I understand his need to go out and asked him that if he wants to go out, it has to be with me.  That we can get someone to take the kids for a night once every two weeks, and then we can go out together.  Am I making the right decision?  I really don't know.  There are no guarantees in life.

I asked Tommie yesterday if he could come fetch Quintus when he is finished at work.  He finishes before me on a Friday and Quintus seemed bored.  When I got home, they weren't here.  I phoned him and he was at Johan's - in his bar!!  (he says it's not a bar, as it is behind Johan's office and there is grass where Quintus played)  When he got home, I could smell that he had been drinking.  I was livid.  I told him that I would leave him immediately, if I had anywhere to go.

I bathed the kids and he told me that he is going out.  He went drinking with his friends again.  Didn't even try to work things out between us....just went drinking.