Here's something I have a problem with.  Flicking the switch from being "mom" to being a sexual woman.  I'm specifically not saying wife as being wife includes quite a bit of mothering anyway.

Here's the scenario.  We are driving back from a place 2 hours away.  I have three tired boys.  Three crying boys.  Three boys draining every ounce of patients and energy I have.  Three boys who need me to be patient, keep them entertained and be willing to tell them how many 7de Lane before we get home (7de Laan is a local soapy.  The boys love it.  Watch it almost every night.  And it is 30 minutes long. We use that as a frame of reference)  So by the time we get home, I have told them a zillion times, that it is x-amount of 7de Lane.  Home doesn't come soon enough and I'm sure it took more 7de Lane than I said.  I start dinner, while feeding Zander and making the boys milo to drink.  Tommie is on the porch, smoking.  He comes in, touches my butt and makes suggestive moves. I'm like - WHAT THE F*ck.  Rather channel your energy towards helping out dammit!!!

I think us women (and hey, I might be totally wrong since I have a totally warped idea of sexuality) are mothers or nurturers first.  That is our main personality.  We need to switch it off before we can be a sensual woman.  Where as a man is firstly a sexual being.  He actually needs to switch that part of himself "off" to be a dad.

There in lies my problem.  When I am busy dressing my baby and bending over to pick up the cream that has fallen off the dresses yet again, I do not feel sexual, do not think of sex.  To him though...yeah, that's definitely a sign!?

No wonder relationships go through such a tough time once there are kids involved.  Women grow into a new person.  Learn new sides of their personality. 

Men just stay the same. 

Last night, he brings me coffee, sits on the bed while I nurse Zander, gives me all his attention and it reminds me....reminds me of something but I just can't put my finger on it.  Then he asks me "One of my friends are racing tomorrow night.  It's starts at 19h30.  Can I go?"  .... then it hits me. He used to ask me like this before.  Before we fixed our marriage.  Built a marriage that no-one thought was possible.  Even though I know that this is just one night.  That he is going to support his friend.  That it's not like going out to a bar and getting drunk, it still hit a cord.  I resented him for asking me if he could go.  Why should I be the one to make that decision for him.  I would have resented him more if he didn't ask me though.

So he has gone out tonight.  I would have loved to go out.  Just me.  Instead, I'm home with three adorable boys.  Safe with our alarm system activated.  Zander practising his ability to pick things up.  Jay painting with a computer program.  Quintus playing PlayStation.  All of us calm.  Happy.  Do I really want to be out?  Do I really want to be away from them.  I doubt it.  They are so much fun.

• Like Jason teaching me about how old I am.  He wanted to play shop this morning.  So I take the items he was buying and add it up on my till.  He told me that is not right and started scanning the items lol
• Zander is teaching me to be a better patient.  My little guy has an eye infection, ear infection and upper respiratory tract infection.  Yet, he is still smiling.  Still enjoying his brothers' "where's the baby" games.
• Child humor - Quintus commenting on a guy in the car next to us.  "That guy is old...look he has lines"  (Sounds better in Afrikaans:  Daardie oom is oud!  Kyk, hy het strepe!)
• Jason was all dressed up in denim today.  He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and commented to himself "I look like a real person" 

I get a text message on my cellphone this morning.  "We would like to thank you for using the South African Postal Service for collecting your credit card"  This had me laughing so much I battled to drive.  Why?  Well firstly you should remember what a HUGE battle it was for us to get the card in the first place.  Then, just a week later Tommie forgot the card in a restaurant and we got it back from them looking like this:    hahhahaha all that trouble and he STILL doesn't have a credit card!

I read an article in one of our parenting magazines.  It got me thinking.  What do the little people think of our world.  (some of this is taken directly from the article - ok! most of it!)

The only way they have to communicate is by crying.  That must be so frustrating.  Especially since it's not very effective.  So when they cry, we will pick them up, we hug them, we turn them upside down, sniff their nappy, put a jersey on, or take it off, give a dummy, offer a bottle/breast.  All this while the child only wants to tell us how he feels about social injustice, or something.

It also can't be much fun to have someone else decide everything for you.  When you eat, when you sleep, what you have to wear.  Basically they are treated as though their views are irrelevant.

Learning how to talk must be darn difficult.  Especially if they think all animals are called "gently",  any electronic equipment "don't touch" and mostly everything else is called "no".

You have got to wonder what they really think of you.  I'm pretty sure "Mama" translated into baby language is something like 'Food Source'.  "Dada" would be something like 'Hairy No-Milk Breasts Who Fetches Things'.

They must also think that adults are really stupid.  Every time we read a story to them, we are asking the same questions.  - where's the doggy?  What's this?  - yes it's a tomaaaaato.  Sometimes they must think:  If I have to show her one more time where the doggie is, I'm going to throw up!  Why doesn't she just write it down if she can't remember?

Oh how I wish I knew what they were thinking.

I have this "thing" about waking a baby.  If you really want to upset me you must wake up one of my babies.  I don't just mean the normal angry or upset feeling.  No I go beyond.  I see black.  I get extremely upset.

I thought that it was a first time mom thing but even now with my third boy I still feel  the same.  I clearly remember with Quintus.  The phone rang.  I answered it quickly enough before it woke Quintus up.   However, soon after, the phone rang again.   I got so upset that I threw the phone.  Yip, I threw the phone.  It broke into pieces (I could fix it though)  Still.  I broke the phone?

Then once my parents went to fetch my grandfather.  They arrived at our home just after I got Quintus to sleep.  They were talking loudly (obviously) and I tried to get them to talk softer.  They didn't get it soon enough and I got rude.  With my grandfather!?  Who drove 5 hours to see us!

I have been known not to visit my in-laws because I know they won't keep quiet when I bring a sleeping baby into their home. 

I could share many a story.  I have calmed down somewhat over the years though.  However I still freak out when the boys wake up their brother. 

I wonder where this comes from.  Weird I am.  I don't easily get angry.  It's just not in my personality.  I wonder why this angers me so.

Three things that scare me:

1. When my brothers shout
2. When someone creeps up on me
3. When I don't see Mommy in the morning when I wake up

Three people that make me laugh:

1. My brother Quintus.  He is so funny
2. My mom
3. My granny

Three things I love:

1. Taking a bath
2. Playing "where's he, where's he"
3. Sleeping in my Mommy or Granny's arms

Three things I dislike:

1. Having my nose wiped
2. When my brothers are in my face
3. Getting dressed

Three things I like to play with:

1. Paper
2. My dummy 
3. My feet

Three things I don't' understand:

1. Why babies have to get colds and flu 
2. Why I have to wear clothes
3. Why I can't be in Mommy's arms all day long

Three things on my dresser:

1. Cream
2. Wipes
3. Cream for my eczema

Three things I'm doing right now:

1. Sleeping in my Granny's arms
2. Dreaming of my mom
3. Putting my hand in my Granny's mouth (don't ask)

Three things I can do:

1. Sit by myself
2. Eat (I love to eat)
3. Hold out my arms for Mommy to pick me up.

Three ways to describe my personality:

1. Friendly
2. Calm
3. Cuddly

Three things I can't do:

1. Roll
2. Crawl
3. Undress myself

Three things I think you should listen to:

1. My laugh
2. My scream
3. My giggles

Three things I think you should never listen to:

1. Your brothers
2. My brothers screaming
3. My mom when she is upset

Three absolute favourite foods:

1. Banana
2. Banana cereal
3. Pear and apple mix

Three things I'd like to learn:

1. How to crawl
2. How to roll
3. How to talk

Three beverages I drink regularly:

1. Breastmilk times three

Three shows I watch:

1. Barney
2. Powers Rangers (with my brothers)
3. Noddy

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

• I got a letter from my Grandfather today.  My first ever letter from him.  It was mostly addressed to Tommie and my boys lol  Very nice of him to write a letter to us.  I loved that he addressed it to Lord and Lady de Bruyn.
• It is cold.  All of a sudden cold.  It is also raining.  In the winter.   Who knew.
•     This is Quintus and his little friend who rides with us every afternoon.
• My husband ticked me off yesterday on our way home (maybe the fact that he got caught in a speed trap just as we left the resort had something to do with it) and it's not getting better.
• I hate that.  I don't like it when we are upset with each other.
• I couldn't go jogging this afternoon due to the rain.  I used that as an excuse to eat cookies and chips.  Now where's the logic in that?
• Tommie just asked what's for dinner and I said whatever he is making hahha
• No I'm not normally like this.  But the combination of enough cookies and chips plus me not being impressed with him, equals him making dinner.

I took these pics just as we left the resort yesterday.  Thought they were cute.  You can see more of the weekend photos here.